he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
