mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize