What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
