i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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