dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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