I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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