i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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