Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
