i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
