Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
