Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
