it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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