I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
