So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
