dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
