i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
