I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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