He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
