Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
