Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
