Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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