Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
