More tranny stories later!
My room smells like vodka and shame
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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