It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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