if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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