I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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