my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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