I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize