I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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