I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
