he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
