nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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