why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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