i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
