Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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