was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
