Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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