1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
