Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Two words: blizzard sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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