he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
