Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize