He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
