idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
