and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did I show you my penis last night?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
