God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
