I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
