I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
