you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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