ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
