'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
