I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
