You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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