I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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