:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
