I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
