Duck Duck Cougar?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
