Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
