You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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