Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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