We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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