omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
