yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
