its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
