shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
