Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
