I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
