He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
