have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
