Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
