You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
